June 1 -- Russia's Children Day!!
Thursday, June 1st
It is June!! This is the month we’re going home. One week from today we will start our journey back to Minnesota. We have been gone for 2 weeks and 1 day now. The longest I’ve ever been away from the boys was 8 days prior to this (Dan’s max time away was 13 days). But at least we only have 7 more nights in hotels before we’re back in our own bed in our new master bedroom. It’s hard to even imagine. This is also the last day of the required ten day waiting period. All families have to stay at least 2 days beyond that because it takes that amount of time to get the new birth certificates and the children’s Russian passports. We will get the girls’ photos taken as soon as Lilia arrives (probably on Sunday sometime). The 12th day must fall on a business day in order to fly out that day. For us it lands on a Saturday. So therefore we stay until Monday. We’ll be in Moscow from Monday night until Thursday afternoon. Moscow is on a time zone that is 7 hours earlier than Khabarovsk…so instead of being 16 hours ahead of Minnesota time we’ll be 9 hours ahead of Minnesota time. I’m sure the four of us will be pretty messed up with jetlag by the time we get home. But maybe the days in Moscow will help us adjust a little bit. That’s my hope anyway.
We had a pretty good day yesterday…no crying fits over the car or Nastia. But we did have some attachment issues with Regina. After supper we invited Jessica, Steve, and the twins over for some wine and playtime. They stayed for about 90 minutes or so. After about 20 minutes Regina really took to Jessica and started wanting attention from her. She wanted Jessica to read her stories and talk to her. Regina started to poke her and ask for her attention to watch various things. She stayed far away from us and she started to butt in front of the twins for their mothers’ attention. It made me sick to my stomach to watch it. It just showed us how deep her attachment problems are going to be. She is so used to having lots of “mamas” in the orphanage and going to whomever she wanted to for attention and affection. We did not allow her to get this type of attention from Jessica and that made her angry. As you can imagine, most people feel flattered when a child wants them and they don’t want to turn away from the child. But we have to request that people ignore her and let us give the attention/affection. That is the only way she will learn. (So please don’t be offended if we ask you not to interact with the children when we come home, if you’re a local relative or friend. It’s in their best interest. We will be secluded as a family for awhile.) Thank goodness I did a lot of reading about this before we adopted, but now I wish I had done more. I took Regina into a different room and gave her some juice and some playtime with me. She needed to be removed from that situation. When our friends left we all said goodbye as they gathered up their things and we all cleaned up the toys. The minute the door shut, Regina started crying. I’m sure she thought she was either getting a new mommy/daddy or she was devastated that she was still stuck with us. We make rules for her and these other people are fun and don’t have rules for her in her eyes (they do have rules for their own kids but she probably didn’t see that). Even though it looks like she’s attaching to us and the pictures we send make her look so happy….it’s a bit deceiving. We are not anyone real special to her yet. We just take care of her needs and we’re the only ones to play with right now. She probably really misses having other children around. And we need Lilia here. Regina is having that only child syndrome where she thinks the world revolves around her since Dan and I have no other children to cater to right now.
It was interesting to watch Regina with the twins again. She did offer to share her boys and books with them. But sometimes she would take something away and hide it for herself. One of the twins was playing with our phone and all the adults said “no”. Regina took matters into he own hands and took the phone away from the girl and pushed her away. She has mother hen qualities. Some are good and some not so good. Interesting to watch none-the-less.
Regina continues to have a major interest in her boogars. Yum. Luckily she picks them and then offers them to us so we constantly have to have a Kleenex on us. It’s gross. I forgot about this stage where your nose holes are the bomb.
Dinner last night was really good (nice segue, eh?). We had mashed potatoes and fried pork chops with some type of cabbage/cucumber/pea salad. Regina is a major meat and potatoes girl so she devoured it. She loves peas too but not all the other stuff mixed in with it. We had banana bread at lunch which went over well with all 3 of us. They make pastries/breads here with a lot less sugar. It tastes so good. It is fun to continue to watch Regina eat and find out what she really loves. She’d probably eat even better if her teeth weren’t bothering her. They’re not bleeding anymore though so that’s good. We’re cutting her food up really small and giving lots of softer foods.
Today we’re lunch an hour earlier. We asked if it was possible to move lunch up to noon and dinner to 5 pm. This will help us a lot with nap time.
I’ve started doing laundry daily so it’s easier to keep up with. And I bought some rubber gloves so I don’t make my fingers any more raw. Regina continues to enjoy helping with that.
Silvia called this morning to check in on us. Dan told her about some of our attachment concerns. She will call back tomorrow with our social worker to give us some advice. That should be helpful.
Dan went to the park with Regina this morning while I showered and stayed in the room alone. Ahh….relaxing. ;) We’re really trying to work on their bond. Dan has done most of the firm voice/discipline so we think she is avoiding him for that reason. I will be the disciplinarian the next time something occurs. I just never seem to be with her when it happens! We do not want her to look at us as one good parent and one bad parent. But as you can imagine, we’re sick of over-analyzing this! I am just sitting back as much as possible while Dan feeds her today and plays with her. I haven’t been praying much about it and realized last night that I need to do so. God will help us know what to do. He has ordained this whole thing and we trust Him to lead us and fill our mouths with the right words. He will not leave us hanging. It doesn’t mean it will be easy, but we know it isn’t a lost cause. We have more hope today. We are just feeling guilty because we have a stronger desire to be with our boys right now. I guess this family bond thing is just a gradual process for all involved.
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